RBF: The Type of Demeanor You Don't Expect from a School Principal
But what I don't do is take my problems out on other people.
My first week at the school, I knew something was off. I tried to dismiss it– rendering it as a me problem--because I truly enjoy giving people the benefit of the doubt. My philosophy is that how people are toward you is a reflection of them [because I have not done anything wrong]. I, too, have bad days; and I am not a morning person, especially when my 30-minute commute was exceeding an hour and particularly when I figure out that I do not belong somewhere. But what I don't do is take my problems out on other people. No, sir, never that!
When I would get to school in the morning, the Principal would look me dead in my face and keep walking. Now many of these times, we weren't even in 10 feet of each other. But eye contact was still made. Other times throughout the day, she would walk past me and say nothing, as if I did not exist. As time progressed, we could be in the same hallway, having to pass one another as we were headed opposite directions, and she may or may not have looked at me [with effort]; but she definitely did not say a word.
I began to attempt to further rationalize her behavior:
- maybe she cannot see
my Black assme - maybe she has autism
- maybe she is stressed out
- maybe she is being abused at home or getting a divorce
Finally, it got to a point where I pulled a staff member aside and asked,
Hey, what's up with your Principal?
I described my interactions and the person immediately informed me that it was not a me thing.
Person:
The Principal has RBF.
Me:
What is RBF?
Person:
Resting Bitch Face.
Me:
Ohhhhhh.
Person:
The worst case of RBF I've ever seen in my life.
You may be thinking, why did I not initiate greetings and what not? My easy answer is, I was just kinda scared. It would have been one thing if the Principal just appeared not to see me, however, this was not the case. She. Looked. Mean. Tight-faced. Piercing eyes. Dark presence. This was not the type of vibes/aura I expected from a leader. So, it was very confusing.
My not-so-easy answer is that I am used to people talking to me. For most of my behavior career in public schools, I have been a District-based itinerant worker. When I step onto school campuses, I am greeted by pleasant faces from the custodians to the office staff. I am shy, highly introverted, and terrible with names (A lot of people who "know me" from work do not believe this. But I have spent most of my school career...hmmm...I call it acting...but some may refer to it as masking...). Many times, what I want to do when I see people is start running, find a room, and hide in fetal position. But what everyone sees outwardly is my smile and engagement.
I wasn't previously familiar with the term RBF. I had to phone a non-Black friend and ask about this phenomenon. She said she had RBF, too. And my conclusion is that I do not support this notion. You are just a bitch...with a face.
Do women have RBF at your job? Is it different than their typical character?
